I will be thirty in the next six months, and only just finished my BA in
the last six months. I have been told by my own father that he thinks his biological
children are socially immature since we all have never really dated and not
married.
I don’t think I am socially immature in many ways: First, I am not with
Mr. Wrong, and yes, there have been Mr. Wrongs and many of their names have begun
with the letter “J” (don’t ask why? I don’t know.) Second, I have not back down
from my standers or changed myself to fit society norms. Third, I don’t go through men like hair gel.
I know with my generation that dating has become less formal, which is probably
not the best thing, but it is the case. If we were like past generations I would
have probably already gone to my first date, had my first kiss and my first
break up; but it’s not we are much more casual about relationships, even in the
conservative evangelical culture of the church that I have grown up in. I have “hung
out” with guys I have known in the last years, and shared googly eyes with them,
but at the end of the day nothing happens and then they move on with some ells,
then I am alone again. This has been the pattern of my life in my twenties and
might have started with my first “J” who broke my heart at age eighteen. I
met him in the green room of my theater group, he had even asked me out, but I
had work, so it fell through. Then he moved out of state and I felt heartbreak
for the first time, because I loved him, like you, love a bad wine that has
turned to vinegar, it started sweet but was sour soon. Then at age twenty- two
I met my second “J”, who was the best looking guy at school and we were close.
Then he started dating, some ells, so I moved on again, but not much heart
break. I did love him, but what I thought was a fine wine, was a cheap bottle
that tastes good, but only because you have never had a fine wine before. Then
came my last “J” at age twenty-six, I fought this one tooth and nail: one,
because my roommate liked him too, two I thought he was too young for me and
three, I did not want to get hurt again; but he pulled me in. He became one my
best friends and I had him wrap around my little finger and I honestly do
believe he felt the same way in some way, but soon summer came and like many
things it killed what could be. I have had Mr. Wrong (aka Mr. “J”) in my life
and there have even been more than them, whose names did not start with a “J”,
but I have sometimes been the only one in love and yes it sucks.
I have standers, yes the world is going to end a woman with standers, who
is not going to budge on them. I as my blog title says I am Christian and Jesus
is my life, He not just a part of it. That means I know where I stand, and what
is important to me. If that makes me a stick in the mud, that’s fine by me. I
have a backbone so sue me. I have seen more than one girl, settle on Mr. Okay
and that turns in to break ups and heart breaks. Now know that my standers don’t
mean you need be, drop dead give me a bucket and let me drool hot, that does not
matter to me that much, but your attitude does how you treat others and is Jesus
your life too. That is what I look for in a man.
I am looking for the diamond not a piece of coal which can become one
some day. I don’t go through guys like,
I go through hair gel, many guys is not better than just one. I have only had a
handful of “relationships” that have really mattered in my life, and those guys
actually mean something the last two of those “J”s are still my friends to this
day, even if they are not people I talk to every day. If a person picks up a
lot of coal looking for a diamond they only going to end up dirty. I am not
saying that you need to perfectly clean and pure. No, because as a human being,
who was born with Sin, you can’t be without Jesus. We were told to love like
Jesus loved, which means unconditional, if your hands are black from coal dust,
it’s okay, Jesus loves you and Mr. Right/Miss Right will too.
