What is Modesty?

What is modesty, is it cultural, is it God defined, or is it both? This is a question that every person has to define and what every culture must express. It is between an individual and God. Now that we have made it so simple we can drop it right; sorry no, because nothing in life is ever simple. The other option is to take a list of “Do’s” and “Do not’s” and follow it to the letter, but then that becomes legalism and that is also wrong. So we are back to the question of what is modesty.

Story time: It was my first year at my alma mater; it started out as any day in this small Christian college campus would. Until we went to the auditorium for chapel and we were told that we would be separated by gender for chapel. The girls were then read a letter that was written by the “respected” young men on our campus; by a young man, who had no idea what he was getting into and had not seen the letter before chapel. In this letter the girls on my campus were told that some of them dressed like whores and that certain styles of bags were immodest. This caused more strife on my campus than peace, and the “killing of the messengers,” the young man who read to the girls and the young woman who read the letter to the boys, these two innocent victims were then ostracized by much of the campus for about a week. This cause so much anger on my alma mater campus that it became a hindrance to the gospel.  

I am telling this story, to show how much this is a hot button issue this is and how it can become more of a sin issue than a respect issue.  We must all face God for our own sin, and we will not be judged by the sins of another, but in the very same breath Paul talk about not being a stumbling block to our brothers and sisters in Christ.    

“Romans 14: 10-13¹⁰ why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; ¹¹ for it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess^[b] to God.”¹² So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. ¹³ Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.” (ESV)

I find that when comes to the topic of modesty it is only the latter that is talked about, and not the idea that we each as an individual are responsible for our own sin. I have grown up in the evangelical western church my whole life and have been told that must protect my brothers, because they cannot control themselves that the sight of “skin” will bring about thoughts of sex. Now I know that it is true for men and how they are wired, but have you ever thought that this takes all the blame off them and encourages them to be “mice” and not the covenant heads and warrior poets that God has called them to be. As men are wired to think of sex at the sight of “skin”, they are also wired to be the protectors of women and those who are weaker than them.

Story Time Again: I was at school at a small bible school up in Jackson Michigan about eight years ago give or take and it was a break between classes and I was walking down the hall in a tee shirt and jeans. I was then approached by another female student, who asked me if I could walk differently, because my bosom bounced when I walked and was causing my brothers to stumble. Now ladies I am a part of the BBC (Big Bosom Club) and have been a proud card carrying member since the ripe old age of eleven. I was shocked at what the girl said and very upset, but politely told her no. I found out later that I was not the only girl, which had been approached on this issue at this school.

Ladies a woman can be covered from head to toe and a man can still lust after you. I feel that a woman’s body has become by some groups, to be viewed as a manifestation of sin, which is an old idea. We all born with sin, not just women, but all humankind, we are not worthy to be in the sight of God, because of it. I have seen this shown in a girl wearing three swim suits at the same time, girls having anxiety issues and bring about lack self-respect for themselves and therefore a lack of respect for God. The idea that we are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God, is forgotten and the image of man is all that is seen. The other thing that happens is anger and rebellion then girls go off and just start ignoring the whole idea of modesty altogether.

These are some of the negative side of modesty and what I have seen in my life. How modesty can be dealt with in an ungodly fashion. When a woman chooses to dress in a modest fashion it should be for the glory of God and only His glory. The benefits of modesty it allows for you to show your true inner beauty that God gave you. It allows you to show the most amazing parts of you and a freedom to be yourself.

Now dressing modestly does not mean you need to dress like a nun or frumpy or even out of fashion. Elizabeth Eliot has been quoted to say, “Do you seek to be simple, humble, gentle and quiet in spirit and not wearing the very latest fashions nor looking frumpy by wearing something that’s way out of date. We do have to conform to a certain degree, but there’re always classic clothes.” (Eliot) I respect Eliot very much and her Christian opinion, but I also know that as someone who has worked in the retail end of fashion that I could not ignore the latest fashions. I don’t think a woman has to ignore the latest fashion, but like everything else must look at with prayerful consideration and ask will this bring glory to God or to me. The idea that a teenage girl has to dress like her grandmother is a turn off for younger girls, I know for me it was.

Story Time one more time: I was about thirteen when one Sunday afternoon after church my father told me and my older sister that we were only to wear dresses to church, and dress that goes below the knee preferably to the ankle. So this meant a trip to the mall where one of many battles for fashion happen with my family came to be. I did not want to dress like my grandmother in dress suits or my mother in denim jumpers. I wanted to be in style, my mother said that if it was on the rack it was in fashion, which being a Fashionista I knew this was not true. We finally chose some dress that worked for both of us, but it was a battle.

I now see where this might have pushed me into the Gothic world of fashion and I found amazing group of people who looked at the world in a different light, but that is a story for a different blog. I see that my parents were wanting to protect me, but idea of modesty was not my choice and so I went on to fight it for many years. It was not until that I made the decision to glorify God in every action in my life did I choose to dress in a modest attire, but even now some people would say the some of my clothing is not modest, but it is between me and God, just I as said men are responsible for their own sin so am I and so are you my fellow sisters. When comes down to it modesty is an issue that every woman must face for themselves and turn to God, because some things in modesty are cultural. If you were to take a trip to the Far East you find that only prostitutes show any cleavage, but it’s okay for you to have a shorter hemline then here in the west. We are back to the question what is modesty, something between you and God and meant to bring Him Glory and that is different in every culture.

Links:

What Does Modesty Mean? by Elisabeth Elliot
Comic by Luke Martin

Now this are not christian women but they have some very good thoughts of modesty.

So it has been a year? Is this a good or bad thing.

      In this year I have finished college, moved back home, started on a new road. I have began to asks questions of myself, since now I am no longer considered a child, even if I am far from the age of one, but since I was still in school people tended to put me in that category of eighteen to twenty-one; even if I left that age a long ago, more than I would like to admit. The questions I have been asking are these, what am I going to do with my life, what is God purpose for my life, what is modesty: is it cultural or God define? What does the modern Proverbs 31 woman look like and can I be her? Are men now more mice than warrior poets: and did we make them that way? How do  I find a God fearing man in a world full of cowering men? How do I live a faithful life as a single woman, am I waiting on the Lord or have I just given up hope that Mr. Right is ever going to come around? Is having the princess attitude really the greatest to have? Yes, I am a child of God and therefore the an adopted child of a the King, but does that also bring forth an attitude of pride and not humility.

      I know that these are hard question and that I am not the only one asking them and that some my consider them superficial. These are the facts that women out number men in the church," Guys are few in the pews" the numbers don't lie, but my standers are high and most men I know are married, too young or have a severe cases of Peter Pan syndrome, and I don't think are worth my time. I am I a snob or a Godly women, who knows whats the Lords wants for me. There are books upon books that talk about this topic, but there are also books about christian dating and waiting, but most I find focus on high school students or college age students,I am not saying that they don't need encouragement and guidance here, as a youth leader I know that, but as a late twenty something, who has never really dated I find, that I feel more like a freak than a normal women and I am not alone.

     I don't know if I will ever find the answers to them or if anyone will until the day we all get to heaven. What I do know is if I am struggling with this than other women of God are to. I hope to write on these topics and if the Lord will hopefully give some clarity.