So I am 32 and no where near where I thought I would be a year ago. I thought and prayed that I would be still in New Mexico and working out my master theses, possibly on John Donne, who is a poet with a seedy past, who turned his life around and became amazing preacher.
Batter my heart, three-person'd God; for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurpt town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but Oh, to no end,
Reason your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy:
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
John Donne
I have had the Lord shut the door on those dreams (hopefully for only a time being, and some day they will open again.) The Lord has given me new ones, I don't know where they will go but He will be there and that is all that matters.
Those dreams are, I have found hope again. I had lost my hope for a future, I believed that my dreams which had been promised to me were done. When ever a meet someone, who I had any a mount of romantic feelings for I was so worried and scared that I would freak out, but in this year that has end or at lest with this round ( and don't think anything will come of it but the peace which has come this this flirtation is amazing and if that is the only lesson I learn than its a good thing.)
That is biggest dream I have found and learned to not give up hope.
