We have Valentine's Day coming on the horizon, and more pink than a preppy sweet sixteen party. I am a woman, who loves black entering a time of year where everything is pink, it sucks. It is also a time of year, which all of singles are remind that we are single and our ideas of love are more misconstrued than ever. Many people, who have been reared in the church, have been brought up with the idea that if we do “A-B-C” our lives will turn out perfectly, but that is very much not the truth. The truth is if you are a follower of Christ your life will not be easy. In James 1:2-4
“2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
Now we must understand that marriage and happy ever afters, may very well not be in God’s plan for our lives. He has planned for us may be so much more than “Happy Ever After”. I know many people from all over the country and all over the world; Some who have stayed single by choice, like me not by choice or are single again because of betrayal of the one, who swore in front of God and family to love them forever. I would like to take the next few weeks to write about what it is meant to love others, in this mushy gushy way (from a woman, who has never really been in a relationship, but has been in ‘love’ more times than she can count). In a series of blogs, on being single in a world, where you are thought to be brain dead if you have never had a relationship, or your relationship has failed the problem must fall on you. Now mind you I am single, and this is the pot calling the kettle black.
First I want break down the fairy tale, in literature we have archetypes, which included, but are not limited to Prince Charming, The Princess (who has the same personality as a block of wood).
Who is "Prince Charming"? Well in the fairy tales he is the one, who comes and wakes up the sleeping princess, who can't remember a girl's face-- so he uses a shoe instead, he the one who comes in on a white horse and defeats the dragon (even though the dragon had done nothing to him really), "Prince Charming" is just that a fairy tale, an archetype just as is the Proverbs 31 woman is but that's another soapbox for another day. For many women ( and men looking for their princess) who were brought up in the church especially those brought up in the micro generation "The inbetweeners" (us who not part of Gen X and not really part of the Millennials) we got the bulk of the purity- courtship push, from our Baby- Boomer parents, who throughout the baby with the bathwater from their hippy parents and their free love. I like many others was taught that how I dress, that flirting, that having any male friends; would lead to me down a path of destruction, death and an impure heart. Well folks the problem with that is as a human, who was born with original Sin, I am already impure and it is only by the grace of God that any of my impure heart is cleaned, by His Sons blood. The whole idea of sanctification (big word meaning becoming more like Christ and letting the old man passed away) is a process, which no disrespect to my brothers and sisters in Christ, who either were brought up in a denomination that believes that can be reached in this life in this body that once held original Sin. So poor old "Prince Charm" is a work of fiction and can never exist, we call him by many names, The One, A Gentleman, A Knight, A Warrior Poet and honestly this list could go on and on. We need come to the realization that loving someone with warts and all is much more fulfilling and real than a "Prince Charming" ever will be. Folks I personally want a man, who is full of faults, but through the grace of God, is being changed and renewed daily by Him.
Who is the Princess, well she is duller than a block of wood, who gets cursed because mommy and daddy were very rude and did not invite all the neighbors to her christening. She is also so perfect that I want to shoot her dead. I don’t wake up looking perfect, in fact it takes a lot of coffee, not so clean clothes (dude it takes 1.75 to wash and 1.50 to dry at my apartment complex, and this girl has coffee to buy), and more makeup to look natural (and dude I love my eyeliner) than you will ever know. Our christian culture has set it up, so that any woman with faults, such as mine or what they call faults. I have a dark sense of humor, I am sarcastic (no-way), I am a Christian Feminist and I am known to use the f-bomb as a coma. I am not a Proverbs 31 woman, why you may ask because she is “The Princess” she is an archetype, and though we can learn many good lessons from her, but she is not real. When I came to this realization in my life, I became so much freer, I could start to move forward and be the woman God made me to be. A person, who is just a piece of clay which still being kneaded into something beautiful. I was brought up that as a woman if I did not get up two hours early and have a quiet time I was not a good Christian, now this not to say that TAG (Time Alone with God) time is good thing, because it is, but I have ADD and doing any task repetitively drives me nuts, this goes down with TAG time, sitting down every morning to read my bible becomes a chore and not real time with my Savior. I found ways that work better for me, I meditated (focus) on a single passage, I pray a lot ( I wear a head covering to remind me I am not my own), and I love people where they are at and listen. I am not on the hunt for a man, even if their are men in my life, who I would love to have a deeper relationship with, but I don’t need them, I need my savior. I am also so not perfect, I am a messy person (because again ADD) and fifteen hour days, I curse, I pull out my wedgies, I scratch my bum, I have bad breath (coffee people) and stupid people drive me nuts. I am no “Princess”. Some people will point out because I am a child of God, I am a child of the King, yes and all true, but I am also a lowly rotten maggot, who is not deserving of grace or forgiveness. I was given a free gift, and had my Sin debt erased, by the blood of my Savior. It is this idea that we are “Princess”, which has made a whole generation entitled nitwits, in the church, who will not look at the beautiful imperfection, which we are and see that beautiful imperfection is in the people around us, men are not all Warrior Poets, even are biblical examples were womanizing, murders, thank you David.
We are human, beautifully imperfect and saved by grace, not by expecting perfection, because if you seek perfection, you will only find imperfection and failure, will never be content with what God has given you and miss the people he has placed in your life. You may have a very full life, or not will to take down the walls and allow healing in your life, because you are so caught up in being perfect archetype. Archetypes are not real and meant to teach lessons, by showing us an ideal, not reality, but we have been taught in this last generation that an ideal is expected, which I hate tell folks is a big fat lie. Jesus loves us, right where we are beautifully imperfect and since we should model our lives after Him, we need to love others where they are, which includes the mushy gushy feeling we call love.
So in the next few weeks, as we start to see pink and I feel like I want to vomit, I plan to write about being single, so pray for me as I delve into a topic that hurts and forces me talk about my pain and soap-boxes.
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